buried in the sand, buried in the sea
by symposium magarum
Summary: Touya convinces N to accompany him on the rest of his journey.
1. Nimbasa City

"I wonder how many Pokémon exist in the world..." N's voice is soft as sunlight when he trails off, staring outside into the blackness of Nimbasa City's skyline. It's nice, Touya thinks, watching this enigmatic figure, this exalted daydreamer who thought himself a king and all of his frivolous dreams, lose himself to calmer and gentler daydreams beneath the twinkling stars.

(Maybe in another world, Touya lost his words for a moment and their Ferris Wheel sped up; N got out, Touya did too, and he let N take over his heart like water fills a drowning man's lungs.)

There's an emptiness behind his eyes though, an unblinking and overwhelmed emptiness that Touya can see in those grey depths. Something is strange about N's eyes, he feels it, and before he can even stop himself, Touya smiles at the other boy and speaks.

"I wonder the same thing," he begins, "I don't think we'll be able to discover them all. The world's a big place."

It's a long while before N finally looks at Touya, and Touya spends the whole time watching the other boy, his smile hopeful and expectant. When N meets his gaze, that emptiness seems to become colder, shoots a jolt of nervousness down Touya's spine and makes him feel a little uneasy.

He imagines this is how N felt, watching the night sky surrounding them, this overwhelming suffocation. For some reason, he wonders how much of the world N has seen, wonders if he's ever allowed himself let go and breathe deeply.

"What do you mean?" N's tone is cold, regards Touya as if his words were ludicrous.

"I really love Pokémon," Touya begins, his smile brightening with the subtle grace of twilight, "and I want the best world possible for them too. I think I'd do anything for a world like that."

N narrows his eyes but stays quiet.

"That's why I think Team Plasma's going about things the wrong way. Pokémon and humans help each other-"

"I refuse to accept that!"

"...to become their best selves."

The Ferris Wheel lingers at the top, and the two remain quiet for a long while, watching each other. N's gaze is cold and confused, while Touya feels as though he could tremble from the anticipated rejection.

It's Touya who finally breaks the silence, his voice quiet but cheerful.

"Come with me, N."

N looks at him as if he were a mad man.

"Absolutely not, Touya."

"Come with me," Touya urges, leaning forward, brown eyes flickering with excitement and mirth. The longer N stares, the more he feels himself being drawn in and invited.

He feels like he's drowning.

"I want to show you that you're right," Touya continues, his smile brightening, the subtle movements of his hands tightening in his lap and his glances out the window of their gondola beginning to liven with the animato of his tone. "I want to show you that the world you're fighting for really exists right in front of you."

"Didn't you hear me?" N looks positively affronted, and it shows in his knit brows and the breathless, confused way he chokes on air for a moment. "I said there was no way I would do such a thing! The world I long for doesn't exist, Touya!"

Touya only shakes his head, not giving N a chance to snatch up anymore of his sad and confusing rhetoric that usually segued into a one-sided battle. The lost and overwhelmed expression he saw before when N was gazing at the stars and trying to take Nimbasa city in all at once as quickly as he could returns, and it makes Touya feel a little forlorn somehow.

"It does exist, N. It's right in front of you, right now."

Touya extends a hand, offers a palm for N. His sincerity is a fever-like warmth that radiates from his very being, and it makes N feel even more sick. He stares at the offered extremity for a long moment before his gaze flickers between Touya's hand and his small, unassuming smile.

"Come with me, N. What do you say? It could be-"

"I can't! Not right now!" N clenches his fists to prevent himself from taking Touya's hand, his gaze hardening once again as he squares his jaw. "I cannot leave my subjects so easily, Touya! I will not abandon my mission. I will not abandon the Pokémon to go on some adventure!"

"You're not abandoning anyone, N. The world's a more perfect place than you think. I want to show that to you."

The Ferris Wheel begins to turn its final corner and slow to a stop. Neither boy feels as if the conversation is concluded, and a heavy silence hangs in the air. It's only made more awkward by the jolt of their gondola coming to a stop.

Touya is the first to rise, watching N watch the floor with a pained and angered expression. For a moment, Touya regrets ignting the war N was certainly fighting with himself. However, he still wouldn't give up, and tries his best to give another small smile devoid of fear or vulnerability.

"N."

N looks up at Touya with an embittered, almost resentful expression.

"I won't give up. I'll do anything to protect this world. Our world."

N says nothing, and the two of them get off the Ferris Wheel and step outside. The autumn night is crisp and refreshing, but somehow the coolness stings N's lungs.

"Come back here at dawn," N says before drawing a Pokeball from his belt. "You will have your answer then."

N's servants come scrambling for him with panicked expressions and outstretched hands. Touya commits it to his heart, dawn, and the two of them battle.

Touya wins.


	2. Nimbasa City, Nimbasa City Gym

Touya comes back at dawn, and watches as the Ferris Wheel's lights blink with a slow, synchronized beauty against the skyline, the oranges and magentas of the twilit sky making the elegant accumulation of formulas appear more magical and new than it really was. The day is going to be a pleasant one, Touya can tell, and for some reason he isn't afraid of the answer he seeks.

He hears footsteps approaching him from behind, and spends one final moment lingering on the sunrise before he turns around and is greeted by the sight of N approaching him.

"N," he exhales in greeting as if he were relieved to see him, and in a way he was; he wasn't sure if he was going to see the other boy after all and what it meant for his request hours before. He'll find out though. N has never let him down before and Touya knows the other boy won't start now.

N looks far less enthused than Touya does, however. His expression is that of a late riser, someone who isn't accustomed to dawnlight, or of someone who isn't looking forward to the day ahead. It fills Touya with so much hope, so much dread.

There's a long silence where N simply stares at Touya, before he finally speaks. "I have chosen to come with you."

He doesn't seem excited, but Touya could sort of understand why.

"Great," Touya says anyway, injecting a little more cheer into his tone than there actually is, but deep down he truly is happy.

N is far less willing to feign enthusiasm and instead turns his nose up before looking towards the sunrise, watching the bright lights filter through the windows of the Ferris Wheel. "Defeat Elesa and obtain your Bolt Badge," he commands. "I will be waiting for you in the Pokémon Center."

"You're not gonna watch the match?"

N scoffs. "As if I would willingly spectate something so barbaric."

Touya hums in thought. unsure of whether he should press N to come with him. While he would like for the other boy to watch him, he also understands that even having N agree to come with him in the first place was a miracle in itself; pressing him into anything further might be pushing his luck.

"I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to do," Touya declares with a nod, gaze softening at the face of N's sunswathed expression. "But I really want you to see my gym battle."

N, in spite of Touya's sincere words, still looks unimpressed and disinterested. "Didn't you hear what I just said?"

"Getting to this point hasn't been easy," Touya says as he shifts the strap of his bag. "Dewott and I are from Nuvema Town, which is really far from here. My mom was a trainer, so she was really supportive of me going on my journey. But my friend Bianca..."

N's expression finally, finally softens, though he still looks pensive and unimpressed.

"She had to run away from home with her Tepig," Touya concludes with a chuckle. "Her dad came all the way here to bring her back home, but she wouldn't give it up. She really loves Pokémon that much, you know?"

Touya finally takes a step forward, stands next to N, nods in the direction of the amusement park gates. N hesitates, watches the ground with a fixed concentration as if debating one final time with himself whether this was truly it, whether he was really going to do this, before finally looking up and meeting Touya's gaze. The two begin walking together, side by side.

"I wouldn't trade anything for all the stuff I've experienced. My Pokémon have really changed me," and that's when Touya beams up at the other boy, his expression bathed in orange sunlight, bright against the lightening sky. "You have too."

Something in N's chest clenches, and it shows in his semi-startled expression.

"Have I?" he asks with a few comical blinks. "How so?"

Even with N's eyes constantly on him, his expression disbelieving and curious all at once, Touya continues walking forward, slowly, as to not lose N in this tumultuous moment. "Well..."

It's a lot to think about, and truthfully Touya couldn't even begin to count the ways N has changed him. Even when they first met in Accumula Town, he had been taken with the other boy. While his entire journey had been filled with countless wonderful firsts, Touya doesn't think he would even be aware of them if not for N's intervention. It's strange to him, to hinge so much of nothing in particular's value on a single person, but at the same time it makes sense when he thinks about who exactly the fated person is.

"To be honest, I was just kind of living my life until I got Oshawott," Touya looks over to N with a sheepish expression, as if he were a little bit embarrassed. "I didn't really have any dreams or goals. I'm not really talented, either, and my grades were average..."

"You merely existed?" N interjects with curious, blinking eyes. "Like a neutral variable, something that regardless of its input, will not change the end result of a formula?"

Touya's smile takes a more excited shine to it. He's mostly glad that N is listening to him and taking such an interest in him. "Yeah! Like if you multiply something by one! That's how my life was. It wasn't bad, but it was kind of boring."

N is fascinated, nods his head in understanding as Touya continues to speak. They pass the arches of Nimbasa's amusement park together.

"Even after I got Oshawott, I figured I would just do as much of the league as I could. I didn't really have a plan, until we met back then."

That's when N slows his pace and stares at Touya, grey eyes fixed on his back, mouth slightly open in disbelief. It was as if the concept of making a difference to someone was foreign to him.

Touya, who clings to N's heat like sunrays to clouds, pauses after taking a step ahead of N, and turns around slowly to meet his gaze and take his expression in.

The look on N's face speaks of someone clinging desperately to the words just offered to him. There's something lost and beseeching, needy about the way his eyes hold no light but still manage to reflect desire and determination. It reminds Touya of the ocean in darkness, lit only by the moon and stars. Endless, vast, deep, permanent, all-consuming.

Touya feels as though he's drowning in something too big for him to understand, and he wonders yet again how much of the world N has seen. Someone so wary to let go of their own loneliness couldn't have seen much. What city did N come from, he thinks, what kind of house did he live in, what were his parents like- Touya is pulled under and succumbs to his curiosity, the passion within him that had been born on that fateful day.

He's interested in N. Touya is very, very interested in N.

"I don't understand," is all N dares to utter after a long moment of awkward silence, his gaze lowering and brows knitting in thought.

"You made me think about how important Oshawott is to me, and made me realize what battles really are," Touya begins, reaching up to tug the brim of his hat. "You made me slow down and really look at the big, important picture. I don't feel so lost in the world now, because of you."

They stand in silence, N clenching his fists, not knowing what to say or do, Touya wondering if he'd said too much but not regretting his words enough to take them back. Eventually, N releases a bated breath, a breath Touya imagines he's been holding his whole life, and the two of them continue in silence until they arrive at the Pokémon center.

N is surprisingly candid about his identity, or rather he doesn't seem to put that much effort into hiding himself from the other humans around him, and Touya wonders if it's because Team Plasma's displays are so grandiose that it hardly matters, or if N doesn't realize his own importance.

It's clear he's never been in a Pokémon Center before, which is odd to Touya, but he makes no mention of it and takes N to the seating area. After dropping his Pokémon off in the nurse's capable hands, he returns to find N toying with his PokéDex with a look of intrigue thinly veiled by contempt.

"This contraption of yours... It's a PokéDex, right?" N asks without looking up as Touya takes a seat across from him.

"Yeah. Professor Juniper gave it to me at the start of my journey."

N hums in response, once again trying to sound more disdainful than he actually is. Touya thinks it's curious the way N's eyes light up every now and then, and his thoughts are only interrupted by the abrupt call of Pokémon coming from his PokéDex. Otherwise, he remains lost in watching N sate his curiosity. Touya sort of likened it to a child or a baby Pokémon, in a way.

The two don't talk until the time for Touya's appointed gym battle. N is the one who speaks up first.

"I don't know if I want to watch," he declares.

"What aren't you sure about?" Touya asks before standing up, his hands situated in his pockets as he looks at N with a neutral expression.

N is quiet for a long time, clutching Touya's PokéDex in his hands while his brows knit in contemplation.

"Your Pokémon..." he begins with a tone that's surprisingly soft and caring, devoid of that flourish he usually speaks with when it comes to matters related to Team Plasma. "I do not want to see them get hurt. You feel the same, don't you?"

Touya tilts his head, watches N's face and all the genuine, sincere, bleeding-heart worry behind it, before offering him a small smile.

"Neither of our Pokémon are gonna get hurt. The only injuries here are gonna be bruised egos," he tries playfully, a titled smile on his face that only manages to disarm N somehowat.

"Are you really certain of that?" N asks while standing up.

Touya takes a few steps towards N, pulls a hand out of his pocket and offers it to the other boy, and smiles at him with a promising determination.

"I'll show you," he declares. "I'll show you just how much my Pokémon and I love each other. Okay, N?"

That word, N thinks, the world 'love'...It's always been heavy on his tongue and Ghetsis always discouraged him from using it, said it made the pain of losing someone even more unbearable. Right now though, N wants to hear it again and again, wants to fathom its depths and drown in it so that he may come to one day understand it and maybe even propagate and spread it from there.

While N was prepared to weather discomfort in the form of watching a Pokémon battle, he wasn't at all prepared for the roller coaster in Elesa's gym. No wonder he dislikes gym leaders so much, Touya thinks to himself as N stares the first buggy down with a disapproving expression.

"What's wrong, N?" Touya asks from the edge of the platform. The buggy closes its hood and zips away.

N only shakes his head, a slight roll of his eyes. "This gym... It's absurd. It looks more like a gaudy themepark attraction than anything."

Touya smiles sheepishly. "Yeah, I guess... Gyms are modeled after the gym leader and their Pokémon's personalities."

This seems to intrigue N but he says nothing about it. Instead, he watches yet another buggy take off with a pensive expression. After a moment, he asks, "Are we going to have to ride these to get to Elesa?"

The first thing Touya feels is joy and triumph, N's unspoken agreement to spectate his match filling him with a strange sort of joy. His smile shows it, and he nods at the other boy before stepping forward onto the platform, waiting for the next buggy.

"Yeah. It looks fun, right? Have you ever been on a rollercoaster?"

N shakes his head as he follows after Touya, and an empty buggy slides up to them soon after, its door sliding open with a soft whirr.

"I have not. The only thing I've ridden here in Nimbasa City is the Ferris Wheel."

Touya offers his hand to N after he gets into the buggy. "Come on."

N takes Touya's hand without hesitation, and tries hard to hide his fascination for a long while, but as soon as they begin speeding off, his expression shifts to a clear sense of wonder, eyes wide and mouth agape.

What it means to never have truly ridden a rollercoaster before finally dawns on Touya somewhere between N's wide eyes lighting up in anticipation and the way he lets off stuttering yelps while clinging to the safety bar before them. It's kind of nice, he thinks, to see N relaxing and finally getting into having what he imagines N would call pointless fun. Once again, Touya wonders just how much of the world N has seen, how many different stars and parts of the sky and different grasses he has experienced.

The idea that it probably isn't a lot makes his heart ache.

Touya doesn't have time to wonder on it because N's cries distract him; they're about to enter the final loop of the rollercoaster, a nice big circle, and the anticipation could very well kill N.

"Oh, oh my- oh no, oh no!" he cries out, and for the first time since they got on the ride, N looks to Touya, wild-eyed and excited.

Touya grins, nervous and excited all at once, and he's tempted to take the other boy's hand in the exhiliration of it all, but the buggy shoots forward and they're off, N's thick hair twirling and nearly smacking Touya in the face.

N finally releases an unabashed scream, and Touya swears he's never laughed so loudly, so delightedly, before in his life.

When they finally board the platform off the coaster, Touya is still laughing breathlessly, and once again offers a hand to N. N takes it without protest, and somehow his grip seems a lot more relaxed and friendly. It makes Touya's heart ache again, albeit in a different way.

"That- that was..." N begins, equally breathless and pink-cheeked. "I have never experienced anything like that before! Truly!"

He looks like he's trying to hold back his laughter, as if he had some kind of dignity to preserve. Touya supposes a king wouldn't be allowed to show such an ungainly side of himself to his subjects, strange as Team Plasma was.

"Wasn't that great?!" Touya exclaims in his excitement, only releasing N's hand when the other boy slips it out of his grip. Touya feels silly and empty all at once, wants that hand back in his.

"I suppose it was," N replies, a small and shy smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

Touya imagined him the type to have a difficult time admitting he was wrong, but N didn't seem obstinate in maintaining his previous stance in the slightest. He's so mysterious, Touya thinks to himself, still breathless and awe-struck in his own mind. And complicated, complicated too.

The two linger in a smile-filled silence before N straightens, his head held high as if slipping back into character, his smile falling into an apprehensive expression.

"Elesa is waiting," he begins in a grave tone, but suddenly his expression softens. "I hope she didn't hear the commotion we were making just now. I should have been more considerate..."

He seems genuinely troubled by this, and Touya wonders why, didn't think N really cared all that much about how humans felt. In fact, there was no way he did, he was the leader and propagator of a gang who stole Pokémon from their beloved trainers, through unclean and violent means at times. If he really was their king, which Touya didn't doubt, then he had to have decreed such brutality.

When he thinks of it that way, Touya can't help but be a little afraid. At the same time though, he thinks of the way N seemed so keen on his manners, like a child reprimanded for making too much noise.

Touya wonders if he'll ever stop asking himself how much of the world N has seen.

"Yeah," he says, and suddenly Touya puts on a determined expression, nodding in resolution. "It's time. I'll show you, N."

N looks at him, nonplussed, but Touya can feel the nervousness in N's body.

"Me and my Pokémon... I'll show you just how strong we are together."

It takes a moment for him to react, but N regains his composure and nods, his expression critical and judgmental.

"Show me, Touya. Show me."


End file.
